I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
