Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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