i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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