I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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