Already got asked if we're dating
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
