exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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