Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
