Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
