Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
