I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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