The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
