omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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