So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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