Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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