drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
