dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
