Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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