Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
