I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
