Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
