I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
