two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
now i know why i became what i already was.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I want her autograph on my taint
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
