Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
