Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
