i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
