At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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