I looked at my own cervix.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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