Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The air was thick with penises
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
