I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
