woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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