i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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