I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
