I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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