The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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