The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
