well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
