one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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