i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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