His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
