I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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