You can't special order awesome
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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