there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
