I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
