i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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