I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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