i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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