plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize