ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
