Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
