Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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