He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
