Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
