I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
