These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
