I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
