my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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