paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
