Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
