woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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