Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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