So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
