is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
