Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
