Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
