brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
