I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
