I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
