Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
