On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
