Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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