i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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