i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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