If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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