shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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