Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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