so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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