You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
