Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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