Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
