A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
