my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm too high and old for this...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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