have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize