there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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