Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
